09 May, 2005

Leave the Boogers for Barry; Stupidity is MY Beat

I just (and by "just" I mean almost three hours ago) finished reading the greatest book in the history of books I've read. Dave Barry's Boogers are my Beat is absolutely fabulous (and by "fabulous" I mean hilarious, which by "hilarious" I mean choking in my own laughter). Dave Barry is a humor columnist, who apparently everyone in the free world (as well as the imprisoned world) has heard of except for me (apparently I've been living under a rock for 21 years).

I have read some funny books (Anne Heche's autobiography was hilarious, but that's because she's clynically insane), but Boogers are my Beatis by far the funniest. This is the only book that has made me laugh out loud--literally. I took the book with me out in our pretend-we-have-a backyard as I smoked a few cigarettes, which means our neighbors (whom we share this non-backyard with) have now realized what they have suspected all along--the girl wearing combat boots, a beanie, bathrobe and pink shorts is legally insane. My roommate, the quiet one, has also realized this fact. This is because she sat next to me on the loveseat (which, by the way, you do not have to be in love with the person you share it with--I did not know this) reading Harry Potter XXII: the Children Go Through Puberty in which Harry, Ronald and Hermionie Have a Menage a Trois. I'm sure the three-way tryst was interrupted too many times by my annoying laughter. I'd apologize to her, but I'm afraid if I think anymore about Dave Barry's boogers and weasels, I will spontaneously combust.

Dave Barry has made a career at poking fun at--and I'm not making this up--everything and everyone. He gets paid to do this. Dave Barry is my hero. I am not a comedienne by any means, but I wish I were. Dave Barry would be my role model. Fuck, Dave Barry is my role model. Now, if only I could be intentionally funny (and by "funny" I do not mean funny looking, nor do I mean stupid-funny--for that is what I already am).

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